Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
