Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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