Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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