Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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