Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
even my farts smell like vagina
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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