You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
