does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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