i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
