So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
