she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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