You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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