there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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