She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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