batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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