im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
