It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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