I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
