So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
