dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
this hospital has no fireball
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
