She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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