new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize