I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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