Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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