They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
