The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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