i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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