She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
