just tell him i said nine months
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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