halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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