I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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