he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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