I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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