He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My bed smells like the plague
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
