Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
