i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
