if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dick very happy bro
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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