god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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