Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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