I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
