i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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