I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize