You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
