you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His nipple licking is glorious
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