bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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