Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize