I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
