his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
