when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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