My friends, they love my intelligence
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize