well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
