Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
