That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
