I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
