I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
