I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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