Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
