My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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