mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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