my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
