Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
