1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
