The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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