he thought i was a dude.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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