and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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