i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drake has all the answers
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
