I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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