Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
