it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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