well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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